This probably isn’t going to be very coherent, or maybe even interesting, but if I don’t get it out, I just might explode. I went into today with a positive attitude. I was looking forward to 3 things, maybe 4: a nice shift at work today involving lunch out and shopping; getting together with friends after work to let off some steam and get a little crazy; having 2 days off in a row; and getting to go see the boys because I had two days off. Bit by bit it was all taken away…I guess if you don’t count the fact that this crap all happened while I was at work and trying to enjoy my day, I had a good shift. It is so very frustrating to me that it seems like every time I make plans to just have fun or maybe just enjoy a day doing whatever, something happens to prevent it.
I am trying so hard to stay positive and in this good head space I’ve found, but it really isn’t easy at all. It just doesn’t seem right. I know life isn’t fair and we all have our burdens to bear, but damn, can I get a minute? I started to try to look at the silver lining…I still have one day off, and I had one last week, too, so that is a step in the right direction, but between those two days I have had an extremely emotional and difficult week. I am still irate over the entire situation, so much so that I am not going into it here. Still find it difficult to make eye contact with the offenders, never mind try to talk to them about it.
I so needed some time to just be silly and have fun…and we had it all planned…my boss even managed to get me coverage for the late shift so I got out at a decent hour! Then the person I was going with got called in to work and no more plans. Disappointment doesn’t begin to cover it, but I guess it’s the closest there is. And this came after I found out that I had lost my second day off. Not only lost it, but added hours! And somehow, I am supposed to just take it all in stride. When is it enough? When exactly do I get to do for me or what I want instead of what everyone else wants or needs? I just don’t know how much I have left to give without something back.
lncapecod 